week 10
my going on is for you!
this morning i felt like i was in a movie of my life. i sat in the backseat and closed my eyes as guitar chords filled the air. when i opened my eyes i saw one of my teammates running to catch the shuttle and i smiled. thank God i don’t have to take the shuttle. (the shuttle = a literal school bus driven by other trainees from our houses to campus) i closed my eyes again and opened them to see someone else i know strolling towards us, unbothered. i closed my eyes again and enjoyed the ride to campus. the blue sky shone with bright california sun.
as I get to know more people here, slowly, i’ve started to get this feeling that the training is all a big family — and especially, my team. it might seem like church meetings would be better if only the mature, spiritual, older ones contributed so we could have a “proper” meeting, but a household with no chaos is honestly a sign of a lack of vitality. when you walk into a chaotic home with little ones running around left and right, screaming, rolling on the ground, bickering with each other, then you get the sense that there is life here. there is vitality, and there is a future. my team is full of little first termers who are usually pulling in different directions but we somehow, sometimes come together as a big family.
our team is full of 妹妹s (the chinese word for little sister) and 弟弟s (who sometimes drive me crazy by suggesting that we go to golden corral for team dinner) and maybe a dad and maybe an uncle and maybe a quiet 哥哥 (but im honestly not sure what older brother vibes are?). and then we have a few 姐姐s who herd us all together, somehow making sure all 22 of us get to our destination.
true spirituality is not individualistic, because any spirituality that knows God knows that His joy is with a group of people, a family. God wants a household. in acts 13:1 we see this group described of different nationalities, races, backgrounds, social classes, working together for God. although based on col 3:1, we don’t need to overly emphasize our different backgrounds because in the new man there is no recognition of race, gender, social class, etc. but it is truly a small miracle when all 22 of us pray together for one another’s families, friends, and gospel contacts, and we’re all in this shared headspace despite being very different people. i’m so thankful that God has placed me here.
something else i am learning, along this same line, is that I (in my natural human character) AM GOOD FOR NOTHING BUT DEATH AND BURIAL. this is especially true in the context of building the church.1 examples of great persons in the bible show us — in particular, moses and paul — show that true usefulness to God comes as a product of an extended breaking, a loss of usefulness in the eyes of the world. moses grew up in Pharaoh’s house, getting the best Egyptian education, but when he was 40 and essentially in the prime of his life, he spent the next 40 years tending sheep in the wilderness. it was at this point that God used him to lead the Israelites. he was 80 years old, and at this point, he probably gave up hope on ever accomplishing anything in life, yet at this point God called him and he literally became a friend of God, someone who spoke with God face to face. similarly, in philippians 3:4-6, paul lists his many respectable statuses: “circumcised the eighth day; of the race of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew born of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee”, but he immediately says he counted all things loss on account of Christ. after saul became paul, he didn’t have a great religious career, he became a shepherd of the flock of God, sailing around to visit churches, visiting widows and families in homes, being imprisoned for Jesus’s name, writing letters to those churches from prison. by the end of his ministry, he wasn’t climbing the ladder until he had a famed reputation, but in 2 timothy, many of the churches he raised up turned away from his ministry and even his coworkers left him.
basically, whatever we have — whatever education, even the best education — and whatever we are, talented and charismatic as we may be, are not useful in their raw unadulterated form to God. and this is something im learning, that i need to go through death and burial. i need to let go of what i am, in fact, my humanity needs to die.
Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
nuggets
a speaker in one class posed the question, would you rather your tombstone say “devoted to the universal Body of Christ” or “a faithful member of the church in Bellevue”? (sorry a bit macabre but someone else brought up tombstones first LOL) actually, if you see the revelation of the church, there’s no difference between the two. your particular church is a physical, practical expression of the universal Body. all that is potential in the Body of Christ is practical and possible in the local church. although your church may have its problems or maybe you’re still looking for a church and you can’t seem to find one that’s a perfect fit, it is not a small thing to be committed to a church and built up with its members. that is the church of God.
we should never convey the feeling that there’s some glorious church out there, but this right here, is not it. that glorious church is emerging out of this church right here with all of its spots, wrinkles, and blemishes.
1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, “Pray without ceasing.” Paul was not the type of person to make a statement like this just to exaggerate or make a point, but he practiced whatever he preached. That means it’s possible to pray all the time, or more simply, it’s possible maintain a continual fellowship with God.
Give ear, O heaven, and let me speak; / And let the earth hear the words of my mouth. (Deuteronomy 32:1)
some stats about our midterms
30 verses memorized for one class
13 study questions prepared for our oral presentation midterm
26 aspects of the spirit memorized, with verse references
8 short essay questions answered across 3 classes
6 class outlines memorized for a different class
~120 greek words memorized + a bunch of noun and verb endings
overall i would say the midterms are super manageable except the oral presentation (for Word of God class) was hard and they were lowkey so brutal while grading us LOL it was really intense but i think in a good way? when else in your life is someone going to tell you your speaking had good content but lacking in the spirit….. (but in a helpful way?)
this week i was so, so happy. the skies are a sweeter blue and the grass is greener and everything is funny and even the feeling that my team is this big (somewhat dysfunctional) family is a comfort to me. i also won’t share more about this but i had this experience of God touching a part of my heart and after one conversation, i felt inwardly free from something i was holding on to, that i literally never thought was possible. i could not pay money for this experience and i would not trade it for anything — for 6 months more in new york or anything else.
anyway, i think that’s all for now! im also planning to visit nyc in mid-late january so if you will be on vacation then pls lmk so we can plan when to hang AND i know some of yall be traveling so please send me pics ty 😌
<3,
lizzy
in the context of the building up of the church, you can imagine, if someone exalts himself, his natural talents, and his personality in the church, that it will eventually cause divisions based around persons, drawing the focus away from Christ Himself. a good example of this is 1 Cor. 1:12, where people divided and characterized themselves “of paul”, “of apollos”, “of Christ”. the reason to give up yourself in the midst of the church is for the sake of a glorious expression of Christ, the one new man, in the church.